Sadness Archives – Jamieson Diaries

3 Years, 11 Months, & 13 Days..

August 8, 2017 Comment : 1

We brought Ares home August 19th, 2013 and had to say goodbye to him August 1st, 2017. We got to spend 3 years, 11 months, and 13 days with him. The time was way too short, but we have so many beautiful and hilarious memories. I could say it was by luck, but it wasn’t, it was destiny that Ares became a Jamieson. He was just as silly and crazy as everyone else in this household haha.

Kris and I had been talking about getting a dog once we moved into our home on base. I was at work when I received a text from, Krissy (my military BFF a.k.a Sister Wife), about a Facebook post she had recently tagged me in. The post was of a three month old German Shepherd named, Bentley, at the time. I couldn’t get over his adorable little face, and one big ole floppy ear. LOL. I sent the information to Kris and asked him to meet me at the guy’s house to meet the pup. No sooner than I walked across the street to greet him, he ran straight into my arms.

The guy told us we were the second couple interested in the pup, but after seeing Ares’ instant attachment to us, he knew Ares was meant to be ours. By 6 p.m. that evening we were the proud dog parents of a beautiful German Shepherd puppy. I remember so many of these details because Ares was our first baby. Before Jordyn, Ares was our fur baby, or our practice baby as we liked to call him.

It’s been exactly one week since we said goodbye to our fur-baby. I still haven’t found the perfect words to describe the type of sadness you feel after losing a furry family member. But it hurts more than I could ever expect. Even though we’ve known for months that the cancer would eventually come back, it completely catches you off guard when it does. Especially since Ares’ cancer came back SO soon after ending treatments and so aggressively.

There’s a strange silence that always follows me around the house. I never paid attention to how simple things like his breathing pattern while he slept was standard background noise for me while I watched t.v. on the couch or blogged late at night. Or how many every day habits revolved around him. Like, making sure the back door is locked at night, keeping his water bowl full, expecting his face to be in mine while I napped on the couch, etc. The silence and daily habits are constant reminders of how much the littlest of things count.

The hardest part of it all has been Jordyn not understanding that he’s gone. She’s only three years old and doesn’t understand the concept of death. Although it’s tough to hear her ask “is Ares at the doctor?” or “are we going to see Ares?” I’m thankful she’s young enough to not understand the sadness of death. Jordyn is an only child and Ares was her best friend. Whether they were playing fetch in the hallway or making each other crazy, she loved having her big fur brother around.

I’m thankful I’m the typical crazy picture taking Mom, because I have so many awesome pictures and videos of Ares over the years. Even some hilarious videos as recent as a week before his death of him and Jordyn having the time of their lives together. Pictures truly are worth a thousand words, and I’m SO thankful to have them.

Ares’ personality was as big as his heart. You never knew what type of emotion or dog talking you were going to get each day haha. It’s what made him so unique. He was this huge monster of a dog with the sweetest personality. A personality that is deeply missed and will never be forgotten. I’m sure one day in the future we will get another dog to join our family. But for now, we’re going to spend the next few months remembering him, and how special he was and always will be to this family.

Rest in peace, bud. We miss you oh so much. <3

All Posts, Dear Diary, Music Favorites

R.I.P. Prince Rogers Nelson

April 22, 2016 Leave a Comment

Today, I’m actually speechless. I’ve known since I found out this morning about Prince’s passing I was going to write a blog post, but about what? Who in the world doesn’t know how important he was to the music industry? Who doesn’t already know how he single handedly transformed music as we know it. Who doesn’t know how unbelievably talented he was? Who doesn’t know the musical GENIUS he was to so many generations? WHO DOESN’T ALREADY KNOW THESE THINGS?

Every comment thread I read today from Billboard to Fox News to CNN there was not one negative comment about Prince. All the comments consisted of were people meeting up in one place to mourn the loss of a legend, and tell personal stories of the first time they remember a Prince song changing their lives in some way shape or form. This in itself is a testament to how important Prince was to this world.

I watched Purple Rain this afternoon, I’ve been watching the Prince marathon on MTV since the movie ended, and I’ve been listening to my favorite Prince songs in between commercials of the video marathon and nothing will ever be enough. However, my daughter has been dancing her little heart out to Prince’s upbeat songs and it’s been putting the biggest smile on my face. She WILL grow up listening to and knowing the musical genius and importance of Prince Rogers Nelson.

My heart hasn’t hurt this badly for a celebrity/person I don’t personally know since Michael Jackson back in 2009. I’m still not over Michael’s death and here we are 7 years later mourning Prince. I was doing pretty okay not crying today until the actual performance of Purple Rain in the movie took place and the tears started flowing. Prince always talked about his belief in the Lord, he knew the Lord was real, and there’s no doubt in my mind he is putting on a great show for Him, tonight.

We lost a legend today and although we’ll never get over the passing of someone still so young, we can make peace with knowing he changed so many of our lives, and his music will live on forever.

R.I.P. Prince!

Brie <3

[04.21.16]

All Posts, Dear Diary

Congratulations, Wilcox Family!

April 20, 2016 Comment : 1

I’m sure most of you remember me posting a status on Christmas Day asking you all to pray for our friends, Lacey and Brandon, as their youngest daughter battled a strand of bacterial meningitis in the hospital.(If you are unfamiliar with what meningitis is click here to learn more) As most of you know their baby girl, Alaiya, didn’t make it. She passed away on December 26th, 2015. I don’t share any of this to make you all sad, because Alaiya was so full of joy, her smile could light up any room, and she has two of the most caring parents anyone could ask for. I share all of this to explain why Lacey telling me a few weeks ago she is pregnant with their third baby brought me so much joy. Yes, there will be a 3rd Wilcox baby girl, Averie Laine, due on October 18th! Yayyyy!

The news of Lacey’s pregnancy made me so happy, because she and her family have endured so much loss, and heartache the last few months. (Lacey’s mother and her daughter died within a week of each other in December) The question “why do bad things happen to good people” couldn’t be more relevant when talking about the Wilcox family. But there is such an explainable joy brought into our lives with the announcement and birth of a baby. I honestly believe there is no hurt the birth of a child can’t match in joy. It doesn’t take away the hurt but it balances it out by adding much needed joy. I believe, God and Alaiya, showed up right on time to remind them joy comes in the morning.

I asked Lacey last night if it was okay for me to share her baby news, and write a blog post about their family, because it’s something I wanted to share with people all over who take the time to read my blog. The faith and strength Lacey and her family have shown throughout the last few months is nothing short of admirable and heartbreaking. I first met Lacey in college through my husband, what now seems like eons and just a few weeks ago, (that’s the first sign of getting older, right? LOL) and from then she was always a sweet heart. It has been since about 2009 I have really considered her to be one of MY friends though. She’s the type of friend who although she lives hours (and a whole different state away) makes sure she comes to any birthday parties, baby showers, weddings etc. no matter how far she has to drive. She’s the type of friend all of us should be so blessed to have in our lifetime. Which in turn makes it even harder to see your friends go through such trying times, and know you would do anything to bring them joy again. It’s genuinely hard to see great people go through bad things. Especially when we see so much turmoil, so many bad things and people in the world, because we always naturally wonder “why them?” It’s even harder to live so far away from your friends when they’re hurting because all you want to do is wrap them up in the biggest hug and cry for hours. Being present doesn’t make anything happening to them easier, but sometimes crying with a friend makes everything seem better than it is for those few minutes.

We are planning a trip back home to Illinois in October for a wedding and had already planned to stop in Indiana for a few days to see the Wilcoxs, before heading to Washington D.C. for a postponed vacation. I was already excited to see the Wilcoxs in October, but I’m even more excited knowing I’ll get to meet and hold little baby, Averie, in my arms! I write all of this because I hope they know how much we love them and how happy we are to see them happy. I think Alaiya has already been sending Averie tips on how to make parents crazy considering how Averie has been treating you this pregnancy, Lace. Ha! I’m gonna stop typing and go text you now haha. I love you, girl! And of course Brandon, Alanna, Alaiya, and Averie. <3

P.S.- funny story about the day of my baby shower and this picture: Alanna was not a fan of me holding Alaiya and basically said “put her down” in baby terms. LMAO. Also, Alaiya, was clearly just as confused as to why I was holding her and both of her parents are standing nearby hahaha.

Brie <3

[04.20.16]

All Posts, Dear Diary, Music Favorites

R.I.P. Doug Banks

April 11, 2016 Leave a Comment

It’s interesting how as we get older, and major life changes such as death occur, we’re reminded how influential many people have been in our lives. Some of these people we’ve never even met before, but we can remember certain points in our lives when their presence, however they presented themselves, changed our emotions and maybe even our lives.

I say this because reading the news about Doug Banks passing away this morning truly broke my heart. Growing up in the surrounding Chicago suburbs I remember listening to the Doug Banks Radio Show daily, on v103, in middle and high school. As if his voice and laugh weren’t memorable on their own, his sense of humor and ability to connect with his audience are what made him one of the legends of radio personalities. I remember going through the typical teenage drama back in the day and feeling like his jokes and music selections were specifically picked for me and my issues at the time. I’ve also always been raised listening to and appreciating old school music. His show allowed me to hear the best old school music on a daily basis without having to search and listen to it myself.

Since reading about his passing this morning, I’ve been reading the captions and comments on the photo memories of Doug Banks, and I’ve learned that he made A LOT of people feel like the friend they never met, but always knew what to do and say to make life better. A lot of people are already missing hearing him on their after work commute.

I will pray for Doug’s family and their healing throughout the process. Thanks for the great memories, quality personality and radio, and more importantly the laughs.

R.I.P. Doug Banks.

Brie <3

[04.11.16]

All Posts, Dear Diary

Always.

January 14, 2016 Leave a Comment

The Harry Potter world was drastically changed earlier this morning. There is no long post needed here. Only for us muggle, HP fans, around the world to mourn the loss of one of the greatest fictional characters we’ll ever meet in our lives.

Rest in peace, Alan Rickman a.k.a. Potions Professor Severus Snape. You will surely be missed.

After all this time?

Always.

<3<3<3

Brie <3

[01.14.16]

All Posts, Dear Diary, Family Love

Happy New Year!

January 2, 2016 Leave a Comment

Happy 2016 everybody! I hope you all brought in the New Year surrounded by love and people you want to bring closer to you in 2016. We spent the evening at dinner with family and bringing in the New Year, at our home, playing games and having tons of laughs. I couldn’t imagine a better way to spend the evening.

2015 had it’s ups and many downs (especially towards the end of the year). With losing multiple family members to various health issues, the end of 2015 took a toll on my loved ones and those closest to us. However, as always, we try our best to come back up swinging, because we know joy will come in the morning. In November of 2015 I decided to take a blogging hiatus because to put it simply: I needed a break. Not from blogging itself, but just a break to collect my thoughts and come up with ways to improve myself, which in turn, includes my blog.

As you all know I enjoy watching the daytime talk show “The Real” during the week. The last few weeks, Tamar Braxton, who is one of the regular co-hosts had been out sick, and to keep things interesting the show had been inviting other celebrities to guest host the show with them. My favorite co-host by far this season was Tisha Campbell-Martin. Apparently the other viewers really enjoyed her as well, because she was invited back to guest host a second time only a few weeks later. I’ve been a Tisha Campbell-Martin fan since the “House Party” and “Martin” days, but she particularly brought insight to the girl chat discussion I think most women can benefit from. In my case, specifically: married-mothers. Tisha has been with her husband, Duane Martin, for twenty plus years, and this information was shared when Tisha was asked by the ladies at the table how she has managed to have a successful relationship. She stated they have a house rule her husband came up with called “You, Us, We” that has kept them going and successful. She broke it down for everyone to understand: the “you” is Tisha. She has to take care of herself first because as she stated “you can’t pour from an empty cup”, which means she can’t benefit her husband or her children without taking care of herself first. The “us” is Tisha and her husband Duane. If they aren’t taking care of their marriage it will fall apart and cause issues that trickle down to their children in the long run. They want their kids to see the best image of a successful marriage through themselves. The “we” is in regards to the children and the entire family. If Tisha is taking care of herself, and enjoying her marriage, she will then share the abundance of love and happiness she feels with her entire family. We are able to take better care of others when we are truly happy in all aspects of our lives.

I knew right away I was going to write a post about these “household rules” because I already understand how important they are (due to the lack of following this model) and I’ve only been married for close to three years. About a week prior to watching Tisha on The Real I had noticed how drained and run down I was beginning to feel. I was trying so hard to take care of everyone else and everything else in the house I was leaving myself last in the equation…it doesn’t work. So although I don’t care for resolutions I told myself I was going to actively do better in 2016. I wrote out a detailed guide of how I will do better each month by concentrating on a closer relationship with God, taking care of myself, my marriage, and my family, in that order. There will be a blog post to follow this weekend explaining the detailed changes, how I plan to implement them, and hold myself accountable.

2015 taught me to love my loved ones while they’re here, love myself as much as I love others, and find a way to bring my plans to life through organization and planning. I hope 2015 was great to you and your loved ones. I hope 2016 brings you all of the positive love and prosperity your heart can handle, and I pray you do His will above all else.

Happy New Year from my family to yours!

Brie <3

[01.01.16]

All Posts, Dear Diary, Family Love

To My PD Girl…

October 3, 2015 Leave a Comment

Dearest PD Girl,

Today marks one month since you have been gone. You went on to glory exactly one year to the day after meeting Jordyn for the first time in person. I believe it’s safe to say September 3rd will always be remembered as a cherished and emotional day for many people who were so close to you. If I am being completely honest it still hasn’t quite hit me that you’re gone. I would imagine this is what people mean when they talk about a disconnection between our hearts and our minds. My heart knows you’re gone, but I don’t think my mind has caught up just yet.

In the midst of all the craziness and planning going on while we were home, believe it or not I only cried twice. You would be proud of me! LOL. The truth is, I didn’t cry as much, or become as emotional, because all I could think about was how HILARIOUS you were. I was so busy replaying memories of you doing and/or saying funny things I couldn’t do much outside of laugh. I know you saw how loved you truly were by the number of people who showed up to your memorial, and had so many beautiful and funny stories to share about you. I didn’t even realize how many of my own family members and friends you had touched over time until the beautiful condolence messages and phone calls poured in.

A month sounds like a long time, but in actuality it’s much shorter than we realize. Four weeks translates to thirty days, and reminds us how fresh everything still is, and will be for some time. But it’s okay for us to be sad sometimes. It’s okay to let out a long cry or spend a day to ourselves in deep thought, because that is what you do when you lose someone who has made a major impact on your life. However, to remember you, and the spirit of who you were, I am going to share some of my favorite P.D. Girl memories with my readers. I even have a few pictures to go with some of these memories. (I don’t wanna hear it PD Girl! I can hear you cursing me out for sharing your pictures with strangers LOL)

I’m already laughing at this picture. PD, Toni and I, took a trip to California in the summer of 2011 to see a test launch Kris had been part of for the United States Air Force. Kris and I were acting a fool as usual when we noticed PD standing like this on the statue. In the midst of Kris and I playing around, PD couldn’t get her leg down and was yelling “Kris…I can’t get my leg down…Kris…I’m stuck!” LMAO! We still aren’t quite sure why Pd thought this was a good idea in the first place.

This picture was taken at Longhorn Steakhouse the night before Jon left for basic training. This memory makes me laugh because I remember this was originally supposed to be a picture of just you and Jon, but I jumped in at last-minute. When I yelled “wait, I wanna be in the picture too!” You said to me “don’t nobody want you in this picture little ugly girl!” Hahahaha! But look at nice the picture is even with me in it PD Girl!

This story isn’t specifically from our wedding day, but this picture is perfect because anytime I used to tell cute lovey dovey stories about Kris, or referred to him by some adorable name, your classic response was “So! Nobody cares about y’all..” LOL. We love you too, PD.

*These next few stories don’t have pictures to accompany them but they’re just as hilarious*

When I was in sixth grade and hospitalized for viral meningitis, you came to see me in the hospital multiple times. You actually drove us home from the hospital once I was discharged too. But what I do remember was your first visit to the hospital and your reaction to my hair not being combed. You said to my Mom “Kim, why you got my baby in here looking like this.” LOL. You then pulled a comb out of your purse and put my hair in two french braids :-).
In college I loved getting frozen custard from a place named, Andy’s, downtown Evanston. When I would walk over to Andy’s to get a concrete mixer or shake of some sort, you always made sure to tell me to bring something back for you. Considering you were diabetic, I would tell you I couldn’t bring you anything, and Toni would say the same thing. You would proceed to tell us how much you couldn’t stand either of us and turn your head to not face us anymore. LMAO.
This last story isn’t one that happened on one occasion. I used to always give you kisses whether you wanted them or not. I would say to you “I think you want me to give you some kisses PD Girl. Come on over here and get these kisses.” You would beg me not to kiss you as I walked towards you with my lips puckered up, and kiss you on your forehead and cheeks multiple times. It only took you a few years to realize my kisses weren’t going to stop which means you stopped fighting me and accepted your life LOL.

I could go on for days telling stories and reminiscing about how much you were and still are a part of my life. I had my own relationship with you and I am so thankful for that. I loved being able to talk to you about any and everything going on in my life and knowing you would give me straight to the chase, honest advice. That advice although honest, was always filled with love. When we cleaned your closet out I took this sweater of yours with me as my PD moment. It fits and looks perfect.

I will miss being able to give you forehead kisses when I see you or listen for one of your many hilarious comments about any and everything, but I’m at peace because I know you’re at peace. You are in a place where there is no more pain and suffering, but tons of love and happiness. Thanks for being an amazing extended Grandma, and beautiful person to know. You have blessed my life by being in it and for that and many other things I want to say, thank you. We all love and miss you more than words could ever express. At the end of it all I just want you to know you will always be and I will always love my PD Girl <3

Brie <3

[10.03.15]

All Posts, Dear Diary

Remembering 9/11

September 11, 2015 Leave a Comment

September 11th, 2001, is a day many of us will never forget. I’m sure, like myself, most of you can remember exactly where you were, what you were doing, and even what you were wearing when the news of the first plane hitting the World Trade Center south tower had been reported. Most people my age remember being at school, and having televisions rolled into the classroom to watch the news coverage. However, I was at home sick for the day, and was watching the live news coverage with my Grandma. I had been asleep in her bedroom when she woke me up telling me a plane crashed into one of the World Trade Centers. I was a little groggy, and didn’t quite comprehend what she had said to me until I walked into the living room, and saw it plastered all over the news. I can’t really explain my initial reaction besides “confused”. I think most of us were confused though. We were confused because in the beginning we didn’t even realize we were being attacked by terrorists, but believed a plane may have lost control and made an unfortunate crash into the building. It was once the second plane crashed into the second World Trade Center, on live television, that all of our confusion turned to fear and sadness. These emotions were only heightened once we heard of the third plane aiming for and hitting the Pentagon, but thankfully the plane was full of courageous people who had the opportunity to take a stand before more lives were lost in the Pentagon. What stood out to me then, and still to this day, was the realization of that horrible day in history, and being alive to live through it. As a middle schooler at the time, we spent so much of our time in classrooms learning about the atrocities that have happened in history, but it seemingly being so far out of reach because we weren’t around for it. And here we were, living a history that our children, and grandchildren and every generation to come, would read about in text books, also feeling so far removed from it.

Fourteen years later and we’re still feeling the effects of this disaster in everyday life. Whether it’s the constant reminder for those who lost loved ones, those who survived this vicious attack, those who walk by the memorial in New York City every day, those who have lost a loved one in the war against terror, or those families who are still torn apart because their loved one(s) are currently serving tours in Afghanistan or Iraq. (As a military spouse, I pray everyday for those spouses and children who lost Fathers and Mothers in this war.) I also pray for those who still battle the demons of losing someone close to them on, or directly related to, such a tragic day.

Today, I will spend the entire day with my family. As I enjoy the day with my family, I will be thinking of all of those families who lost loved ones, and continue to remind myself how blessed I am to spend this day, and any day, with those I love. Today, I hope we all remember how much damage evil and hatred can do, and in return, share as much love and positivity as we possibly can. Love is so much greater than hate, and I pray that all sadness be turned into joy.

No matter how many years go by, we will always remember 9/11/01.

Brie <3

[09.11.15]

All Posts, Dear Diary, Family Love

Happy Birthday GG & Happy 5 Months Jordyn!

November 18, 2014 Leave a Comment

Today is my Grandma’s (a.k.a. Abuelita but better known as Jordyn’s GG) birthday. We were supposed to say “see you later” to GG yesterday morning, but a last minute, unexpected trip to the ER for GG ended up rescheduling that plan for Thursday morning. Don’t worry, GG is doing just fine, and had endured a wonderful case of “vertigo”. Although I am upset she had to go through this, I am extremely happy this unfortunate event took place BEFORE she boarded her train, what should have been the following morning. It also doesn’t hurt that Jordyn and I get to keep GG here with us for a few extra days ;-). GG has been here in Montana with us since September 16^th, and man do we enjoy having her here. It is always nice to have a “piece of home” near you when you’re so far away from everyone. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a Grandma’s girl in general- so Thursday will be a tough day for both Grandma and I. As much as it saddens me, and makes me cry, when my family members have to leave me, I find comfort in the blessing of having so many people to love and so many people to love me back. GG hasn’t even left us yet and we already anticipating the post-GG effects in the Jamieson household. As always, we will bounce back from the sadness, and look forward to the happiness of getting to see each other again in the near future. But in the meantime, I hope my Grandma is having the greatest birthday, ever. It is truly a blessing to be able to call her Grandma. She is one of the most caring and genuinely beautiful people I have ever met in my life. I pray God blesses her to see MANY more. If you would like to send her a birthday shout out, I will be sure to relay the message to her. Happy birthday Grandma/GG! We love you so much!

Jordyn has the pleasure of turning 5 months old on her GG’s birthday. Since her 4 month check in, Jordyn has improved her coordination so much. She is able to reach and grab her toys when they are hanging in front of her. She has even figured out how to slowly move her opposite hand over to the object and grab it with both hands. She has been sleeping through the night since her last week of being 3 months old. (Thanks rice cereal!) I know, I know, we are extremely lucky she sleeps through the night at such a young age. She usually wakes up talking to herself/playing with her fingers and trying to reach her toes for about half an hour before she gives us the warning yell that she is ready to be entertained by her personal court jesters (Mom and Dad). Neither Kris nor I take our new lovely sleep schedule for granted. When doing tummy time, she is still trying to figure out how to prop herself up on her arms, but she has definitely figured out how to get her knees in the crawling position. Tummy time doesn’t last more than 15 minutes, because someone gets pretty impatient at not being able to move, and starts hollering to be put on her back. She also told me to let everyone know she’s working on her attitude problem LOL. Today, we will attempt to try her first spoon fed meal. It’ll only be rice cereal and nursery water so we’ll see how she feels about it. I’ll have pictures to follow within the next few days.

This is about sums up everything that is “new” in Jojo’s world. Oh, I forgot to mention she LOVES to smile and giggle even more now. I just love everything about this feisty, sweet, giggly little Princess J!

-Brie <3

[11.18.14]